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A funny perspective look at how we or how some drive a Company car. The company car is unique, its special and its unlike any other car that you will ever drive for the following reason.....
.....Its not yours !
Look after your company
car, after all, its better than public transport.
They can travel at higher speeds in any gear, especially reverse. The acceleration rate is stupendous.
They can negotiate speed bumps twice as fast as a private car.
They are self maintaining as regards fluid levels because they never really need to be checked as often, if at all. The super tough bodywork can take any amount of damage.
They don't need to be cleaned as often, inside or out.
All repairs can be carried out with the cheapest after-sales spares available.
They can be left unlocked anywhere any time no worries. They can be left with the keys in the ignition. They don't need to be garaged at night. Visible theft deterrents such as steering wheel locks are never needed. Locking wheel nuts or any anti-theft devices also need not be employed.
The window winders can be wrenched round at any speed. Gear levers can be grabbed and rammed home into gear with no incurring damage. Clutch pedals can be side stepped so it smacks up faster for that quick pull away.
The clutch can also be 'slipped' on hills instead of applying the hand brake to hold the car in place. Company car clutches are super duper and never ever wear out....magic !
The bumpers are specially designed to move annoying obstacles like shopping trolleys, boxes, waste bins etc. The paint is impervious to all scratches. Cracks in the glass can be ignored. Doors can be slammed very hard.
THERE NOW FOLLOWS A QUICK CARTOON INTERMISSION.
END OF INTERMISSION. Normal service will now be resumed. Thank You.
The floor is shaped just like an ash tray.....amazing ! They can carry anything on the seats, bricks, animals, concrete, tool boxes. The upholstery is totally impervious to cigarette ash, make-up, burns, burger sauces of any variety, oil, petrol and grease. Ancillary electrical items can be forced into the cigar lighter socket with no damage. The radio's controls can be jabbed hard with no damage. The floor mats can also serve to wipe mud of your shoes.
You can drop into a lower gear at higher speeds. You can hold a lower gear at higher speeds before changing up, consequently the engine can be over revved easily. They can be driven up to and over 100 miles with the oil warning light on.
The suspension is reinforced to allow the transportation of heavy building materials. The turning radius is much tighter.
Unusual engine noises can be ignored indefinitely. You don't need to let the engine get up to temperature before you floor it. They can be driven through deep puddles faster, for that bigger splash effect. The car can be driven over rough road surfaces including pot holes at normal speed or faster.
They can brake in half the distance. Hand brakes can be left partially on whilst pulling away. Hand brakes can also assist in spinning the car around 'J' turn style at high speed.
The tyres are designed to bounce off all obstacles, with special side wall reinforcement segments to protect from scraping.
Making 'doughnuts' shaped skid marks through excessive wheel spins is easily accomplished with no damage to transmission or any other part. Wheel spins can be accomplished with no wear to the tyres of course.
When parked on a hill just put it into gear and leave it. Handbrakes can be pulled up to their extremities. You can park anywhere, grass verges, muddy banks, areas covered in trash. You can park into spaces for much smaller cars with ease.
Credit given to the originator of this idea, otherwise adapted, amended and supplemented to for the site by Vincelewis
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