READ THE INSTRUCTIONS !
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The instructions that you see below are all genuine and have been seen on actual products. Printed here for your amusement or reminder. It can be understood I suppose, that these manufacturers notices are solely meant to cover themselves against any lawsuits. They are so funny though as to be unreal. |
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1. On a Sears hairdryer: " Do not use while sleeping."
2. On a bag of Fritos: " You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside."
3. On a bar of Dial soap: " Directions: Use like regular soap."
4. On some Swanson frozen dinners: " Serving suggestions: Defrost before use."
5. On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom of box): " Do not turn upside down."
6. On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: " This Product will be hot after heating."
7. On packaging for a Rowenta iron : "Do not iron clothes on body."
8. On Boot's Children's Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication."
9. On Nytol Sleeping Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness."
10. On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only."
11. On a Japanese food processor: " Not to be used for the other use."
12. On a packet Sainsbury's Peanuts: "Warning: Contains nuts."
13. On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: 1. Open packet. 2.eat nuts."
14. On a child's Superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly"
15. On a Swedish chain saw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands."
16. On a bottle of Palmolive Dishwashing liquid: "Do not use on food."
17. On a tube of Crest Toothpaste: "If swallowed contact poison control."
18. On a bottle of ALL Laundry detergent: "Remove clothing before distributing in washing machine."
19. On most fire extinguishers: "Point in direction of fire."
20. On most computer's: "Installation instruction manual is pre-loaded in the PC" ------------------------------- On a bottle of washing up
liquid I read that it was made with real Lemons, whilst on a Lemon Meringue pie
it said " made with artificial Lemons "
21. Seen on a lawnmower: WARNING ! WHEN MOTOR IS RUNNING THE BLADE IS TURNING.
22. Seen on a can of lighter fluid: WARNING ! CONTENTS FLAMMABLE.
23. Seen on a can of air conditioning vent cleaner: WARNING ! ONLY USE IN WELL VENTILATED AREAS..
24. Seen on a box of 4 inch nails: CAUTION ! DO NOT SWALLOW NAILS.
25. Seen on a band aid plaster box : WHEN INJURED SEEK MEDICAL ATTENTION.. " 26. Seen on a can of powdered baby food: ADD WATER BEFORE MIXING.
27. Seen on a bottle of ' Woolite ' carpet cleaner : SAFE ON CARPETS.
28. Seen the back of the pilots seat in an AWACS NATO E-3A plane: SEAT MUST BE FACING FORWARD FOR TAKE OFF AND LANDING.
29. Seen on a tub of cooking salt: PLEASE NOTE ! HIGH IN SODIUM
30. Seen on the side of a novelty clock box: THIS DEVICE CAN ALSO BE USED FOR TELLING THE TIME.
31. Seen on a display stand selling Valentines cards: AVAILABLE IN MULTI PACKS
32. Conair Pro Style 1600 Hair Dry. Do not use in the shower.
33. On a can of Kids Silly Putty. Do not use for earplugs.
34. On A fold up baby Buggy carriage. Step 1. Please remove baby first. Step 2. Fold up the carriage as per step 3......
35. Caymen Airlines Safety Booklet. If you are seated in an exit aisle and are unable to read this, please ask a stewardess to reseat you.
36. On the side of the box that contains a Ray-O-Vac Rechargeable batteries. If lodged in ear call a doctor.
37. On the side of the package that supplies a hotel shower cap. Fits on ones head. 38. CAUTION! The contents of this bottle should NOT be fed to fish. Seen on a bottle of dog shampoo ! 39. For external use only. Seen on a hair curling iron box ! 40. Do NOT use whilst asleep or unconscious. Seen on a hand held massager !
41. Shin pads can only protect parts of the body that they cover. Seen on a pair of shin pads for skateboarders !
42. This product is not intended for dental use. Seen on packaging for large power drill !
43. CAUTION ! Do NOT spray into eyes. On most deodorant cans !
44. Do NOT drive with sunshield in place. Seen on the underside of a cardboard sunshield, the type that totally covers a cars windshield to keep the sun out or frost off !
45. Do NOT use near fire, flame, sparks or naked lights. On an ' Aim-n-Flame' fireplace lighter !
46. Do NOT eat toner. On a toner cartridge for a laser printer !
47. NOT intended for highway use under any circumstances. Embossed on the side of a wheel on a wheel barrow !
48. This product may irritate eyes, use with caution. On the side of a can of self defence pepper spray !
49. WARNING ! Eating these rocks may lead to broken teeth. On the box of a novelty set of garden rocks !
50. CAUTION ! contents hot. On the side of most pizza packages.
51. CAUTION ! The hot beverage in this cup is hot. On the side of some vending coffee cups !
52. WARNING ! May contain small parts. On a frizbee !!!
53. Do NOT use for drying out pets. On a Japanese Microwave !
54. WARNING ! For use on cattle only. On the handle of a cattle prod !
55. CAUTION ! objects in mirror are always behind you. On a motorcycle helmet mounted mirror.
56. WARNING ! climbing into this bag and zipping closed will cause death or injury. On a plastic packaging bag measuring 2 foot square !
57. NOTICE : Not for weight control. On a pack of breath-saver fresheners !
58. Twist top off with hands only. Throw away top. Do not consume top. On the label of a bottled orange drink !
59. NOTICE : Theft of this crate is a crime. On a milk crate !
60. Do NOT use intimately. On a bottle of under arm deodorant !
61. WARNING ! Has been found to cause cancer in mice. On a box of rat poison !
62. BEWARE ! if you touch these wires electrocution will result in your death. Anyone found doing so will be prosecuted. On a railway station overhead power supply pole !
63. PLEASE NOTICE this toy is a small rubber ball and may present a choking hazard for small children. On the label for a small rubber ball toy !
64. NOT for human consumption or for insertion up nasal cavity. On a package of prime casino dice !
65. These products present a danger if swallowed. On a whole case load of ball pein hammers
66. Plastic wrapping must be removed before consumption. On a package for a miniature fruit roll snack.
67. This item is NOT dish washer safe. On the underside of a TV remote control !
68. Please note : For lifting purposes only. On the side of a car bottle jack.
69. Payment of this bill is due by the due date not by the receiving date as it may be overdue. On a posted credit card statement. 70. Vince's Worthwhile Website is not for human consumption and if you accidentally get it stuck in your ear please call a physician.
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